I. Secrets New Englanders Keep Quiet

Here's what they won't tell you. Almost
Nobody has central air.
Don't have to
Believe me. Ask'em.
It's all done with smoke and mirrors,
Portable fans and window units
I promise they'll shrug they shoulders
Back at you-like
You shoulda known-as if
This kind of tomfoolery is normal.

II. Ice Water & Heat

Nekkid. I gyrate
Myself into a glistening
Peignoir, a flimsy contraption
Made of nacreous
I work that Kilo's Best
Cassette so hard
Even Josie B. in her heyday would've

III. Yes, I Should Be Sleep

It's not that I can't
Cook. More that I shouldn't
Be allowed. I'm absentminded
Have this habit of burning
My forearms, of getting
Flecks of ice
In hot grease.
Happens so often. No need to
Putting butter on it.

IV. Standing on One Leg with the Refrigerator Open

(No matter what your granny told you,
Yall know that don't work.
Best be sticking your arm under the tap.)
Myself, I prefer swiping a slick yellow stripe
Quick as sunshine down the center of my 
Tongue. Keep in mind,
Safety first. If you have a choice,
Always go for that last little devil
Egg with parsley and paprika.